What is a Dry Drunk?
Although similar sounding, the term “Dry Drunk” should definitely not be confused with a “Dry Drink!” Dry Drunk Syndrome and the term dry drunk refers to a person with a chemical dependency issue, who gave up alcohol/drugs, but made no internal emotional or behavioral changes.
Dry drunks may not be using anymore, but in many ways behave like they were still in the midst of their addiction. There’s even a popular analogy in recovery for an addict with the absence of a substance: “…if you sober up a horse thief, what do you get? A sober, horse thief.”
This sort of untreated alcoholism is actually described in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, with the phrase “restless, irritable, and discontented.” Dry drunks are usually full of resentment and anger and find themselves consistently dissatisfied with life…even though they happen to be sober!
The majority of people in recovery tend to agree that if you stop following the suggestions (which are there for a reason) an abstinent addict with no program of recovery, will most probably regress–in their lives, AND in recovery. The regression into “Dry Drunkeness” may include:
No 12-step meeting attendance
No active sponsor/mentor relationship
No involvement in 12-step fellowships
No accountability
It’s All About Behavior: The Mental Cocktail
What is dry drunk behavior and how to manage it in recovery.
“When you find yourself, talking to yourself, you may be talking to a crazy person!”
Most of the self realized dry drunks start to notice a certain level of Dis-Ease creeping in when they stop taking suggestions–and start talking to themselves. Dry drunks tend to have a mental cocktail made up of equal parts regret, longing and fear. Interestingly, as addicts, it’s largely feelings that we used over. There are pre-requisite thoughts that created those feelings, and feelings/thoughts create behaviors. When not digging in deeper, truthfully, to what is creating those thought patterns, many people in recovery find themselves behaving like a dry drunk.
The point of getting sober was to discontinue behaving in dysfunctional and perhaps even life threatening ways. Being active in our addictions ingrained so many negative trains of thought (attitudes), feelings and then actions. Once gravitating into negative attitudes, thinking begins to tread on bumpy roads. This twisted thinking for a recovering addict is basically inviting destructive, self-centered thoughts, with an excellent chance that these thoughts will inform an alcoholic or drug addicts’ behavior.
An important part of being in active recovery is just that–being active. It doesn’t matter how quickly an addict progresses, just that progress is being made. With a quick glance at a list of attitudes and actions dry drunk syndrome can generate, it’s easy to see how being a dry drunk is nothing more than regression to previous thoughts and behaviors that they had during active alcoholism and drug addiction.
Stinkin’ Thinkin’
It’s amazing how fast untreated alcoholism can take us away from Serenity St. down to the destructive Dry Drunk Dr.
Here are a few of the attitudes and actions that can send a successfully sober person back into the pit of despair:
Magical Thinking: Kind of like that euphoric blissed out feeling when high or drunk. This involves unrealistic expectations, irrational or unreasonable goals, and simply “magically” believing that things will happen if we just wish for them hard enough.
Not Right- Sized: When our reactions are not proportional to the events. Either we become emotionally void when we should be aware, or we catapult into hyper emotionalism over losing a parking spot.
Negative Judgments: Probably the most destructive mental attitudes of addiction. We’ve all been or known the person who can point to a beautiful forest… and only see the dead tree. Alcoholics/addicts tend to exhibit negative perspectives about themselves, others and the world about them.
Compare and Despair: When we, as alcoholics and addicts, judge a person as being “better than or less than” ourselves, we manipulate our internal state of being in much the same way a drink or drug functions for us. Even if we judge ourselves – or other people- as “falling short or less than,” we can find a way to feel bitter and cultivate resentment.
Anger: Well, anger just goes against all of the 12 Step principles–because it overrides our sense of reason, it insulates us from spiritual help necessary for our recovery.
Pity Party: The least fun party of all time! Chemically dependent people are kind of self-centered in the extreme. Self-pity (or superiority) characterizes this deformed mentality.
Negative Attitudes: These return, sometimes daily, in a person who has not worked on underlying emotional issues or behaviors. These symptoms of negative attitudes can start to impact our quality of life and recovery.
Asking For Help: Widespread Recovery
If you find yourself traveling down Pity Pot Ave, doing magical thinking or unable to work though some anger, there are steps you can take:
Get back in the sober saddle again.
Reach out to sober friends.
Talk with your sponsor.
Get to a meeting, AA offers steps of recovery to treat the malady that will allow an alcoholic to live comfortably and to pursue a happy and productive life without drinking alcohol.
Dry drunk behavior can be the catalyst of relapse. If you are starting to notice some of the attitudes discussed creeping back into your life, it is time to do an about face and start turning your life in sobriety around. Don’t let it take your recovery.
And if you need help, all you have to do is ask. Widespread Recovery believes that Sober Living is not merely the next indicated step in a treatment plan; it is the first step towards personal recovery.