Batter Up

My love for baseball is a huge part of my story. As a kid, I was crazy about all kinds of sports and always loved being outdoors. However, my deepest passion was- and always will be -baseball. In fact, I dreamed of becoming a major league pitcher. I won numerous awards for Most Valuable Player, highest batting average, and rookie of the year. By high school, the dream of playing in the big leagues was beginning to look like a reality as I attracted the attention of major league scouts!

Coming Back Home

In high school, I went away to a boarding school in Utah. Just before my senior year, I was approached by some of my close childhood friends from Laguna Beach about coming back home to be on TV. They wanted me to be a part of a reality show that was based on the young privileged crowd in Laguna Beach that I had grown up with. My first reaction was "absolutely not, I wouldn't be caught dead doing something like that!" The TV show had already aired its first season, and I just couldn't picture myself being involved in the show. However, with a lot of persuasion from family and close friends, I was convinced that it would be a cool experience. They suggested that it would be very unique to have an enriched and completely documented senior year of High School. In a million years there's no way I could have foreseen how that singular decision would change my life.

Laguna Beach/The Hills

My life changed overnight when my first season on Laguna Beach aired. That exposure on TV meant that all of a sudden we were all some kind of celebrities. Everywhere the cast from the show went we were recognized; strangers on the street would stop us for autographs and pictures. Every move we made, we were stalked by paparazzi and it seemed like everything I did ended up in the tabloids. Don't get me wrong, I loved the attention, but at times it was overwhelming-especially as a teenager. I truly felt horrible for my parents who had people bothering them incessantly, invading their privacy, and standing outside their house trying to get pictures. But for someone my age, it was a fun, wild n' crazy, out of control, and exciting time. I had everything that "society" said was amazing: money, girls, notoriety, fame, and unlimited access. While all my other friends back at boarding school were looking for fake IDs, I was being paid to travel the world and party! I thought I was living the dream. Little did I know it would become my biggest nightmare. I had gone from high school senior to the tabloid bad boy in a very short time, and once we started filming The Hills, my addiction really started to kick in.

Hitting Bottom

As the party lifestyle and outside appearance of being a TV celebrity ramped up, I began to sense that something on the "inside" wasn't quite right. There was a nagging feeling in my gut and a constant voice of reason that was urging me to change the course of my life, or I would be heading off the tracks pretty soon. However, I couldn't stop that party train, and frankly, I didn't really want to either. I was in the throes of active addiction and the insanity of the disease is not able to listen to reason. By the age of 23, I had been arrested over a dozen times and incarcerated for well over a hundred days. I had already attended eleven treatment centers from Florida to Hawaii, been 5150'd, and hospitalized over a dozen times. I had become so defeated that I not only contemplated suicide, I attempted it. This was what they call in recovery "hitting bottom". When you're so far down there's no more digging left. There is a common end to the story for most addicts, which is "Jails, Institutions, and Death". For some reason, the man upstairs, my higher power whom I choose to call "God" decided to keep me alive.

The Family Connection

I thank God that I have such an amazing family. I am beyond blessed to have the continued support and love from my three wonderful siblings who are my favorite people and my parents. It's actually the bond and love I share with my parents that finally made the difference, and helped me to clean up my act. I remember being in my therapist's office for the millionth time when I saw exactly how my drinking was affecting my parents. My dad, who is my hero and in my mind walked around with a Superman "S" on his shirt, sat in his chair a defeated man. He related how my behavior was destroying their marriage and that he and my mom were like two planks of wood waiting for the call that would let them know I was dead. This is where the proverbial light came on and I had a moment of clarity! At that moment, I saw how much my addiction had destroyed my parents in such a short amount of time. I realized that if I couldn't get sober to save myself, I needed to do it for them. They became my motivation.

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew

When I decided to get clean and sober I realized that not only did I want to change the direction of my life, but I also had a strong desire to change the public's negative perception of me.  I discovered that it's not hard to get sober; it's hard to stay sober. So with just over 60 days of sobriety, I entered treatment on a TV show called Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. I knew that I could not pass up the opportunity to work with Dr. Drew and Bob Forrest, two of the top professionals in the field of treatment and recovery. I knew that working on recovery with Drew and Bob would be the best thing for my long-term recovery, but I had no idea that their influence would help me to discover my true passion in life.

Best Day of My Life

During those days of newfound consistent sobriety, I thought I had experienced every emotion you could feel, from the highest highs to the lowest lows and everything in between. However, none of those experiences could compare to how I felt on the best day of my life; when I walked down the aisle and married my best friend Ashley. As I took my place at the altar and looked up to see the bridal procession start I was overwhelmed with grace and joy. Ashley and I poured our hearts into our vows, which came so effortlessly as the love we felt, and still feel for each other, came from an eternal place. Ashley still says it felt like a fairy tale, and that feeling of magic has stayed for both of us. For Ashley, being my partner has been a learning experience. She never expected to marry someone who is a recovering alcoholic. She had very little experience with addiction before she met me. She has gone through a lot of growth and awareness. We have worked hard on becoming a better version of ourselves and the process has allowed us to form a deeper unbreakable bond. From day one of dating, I told her that my sobriety was the most important thing in the world to me. Since then, she has been a solid and steady rock of support and strength. I am truly blessed to have such an amazing wife and I make sure to show it. I could never have imagined that the gift of sobriety could create the life I have today. Sobriety has allowed me to live a life beyond my wildest imagination and I hope to pass the gift on to as many people as possible.

Relapse

Addiction is a disease of denial, and for some addicts, relapse is a part of their story.  After quite a few years committed to consistent recovery, things in my life were so good that I began to lose track of my priorities; I always had good excuses for placing other things before my sobriety. I incrementally stopped working a program of recovery and my foundation and fellowship started to deteriorate; I slowly stopped going to meetings, being of service, and having a connection with a higher power. This led to a downward spiral; consumption with superficial material things and active relapse for 3 years, which started with prescribed Adderall and then included alcohol. Even with all of my knowledge and resources, I was unwilling to get honest or surrender. The scary truth is that addiction is a chronic, progressive, and often fatal disease, so it wasn't long before I was having suicidal thoughts again and hitting a new bottom. Coming clean about a relapse is terrifying and fills most people with shame and guilt. Fortunately, I had a taste of sobriety, I knew what it felt like to have recovery and I wanted it back. I had learned many relatable things in my program and knew that I wasn't unique and I wasn't alone; that my connection with others in recovery was like links in a chain, helping one another to be stronger, together. Relapse is a part of recovery for some people, but it doesn't have to be!

My relapse took me back to a dark place pretty quickly. I consider myself lucky to be clean and sober again. I have even more compassion now for others who are active in their addiction or struggling and I am striving to be of service to them. Remember, it's never too late to ask for help, be brave and start over. You are worth it…and we are here for you.

A New Direction

Recovery has helped me to look back at my life- but not to stare. I don't regret the past. I have taken those ups and downs to help propel me in a new direction.  I have learned from those slips and curves in the road, that the greatest glory does not come by never falling; it arrives every time we get back up. I am blessed to have met the incredible people that helped me discover my passion: being of service and giving back what was shared with me. I've discovered that there is nothing more gratifying than helping someone without looking for anything in return. My heart is overjoyed when someone comes to me when they feel hopeless and defeated by drug and alcohol abuse and I can help them walk through to the other side to live an amazing, sober-full life.  My life experiences allow me to relate to anyone struggling with addiction -whether they are a 16-year-old still at home or a professional at the top of their career because I have gone through it all myself.  As an advocate, I have been able to help thousands of people so far and am looking forward to all of the ways I can continue to spread a message of hope. If you told me years ago that I would find my passion and life's work in helping people recover from addiction to drugs and alcohol I would have said you were crazy… and then I would have taken you out for shots!

As George Elliot said, " It's never too late to be who you might have been."