Understanding Principle Four of AA Alcoholics Anonymous
#4 - The Principle of Courage
Change in life is inevitable, but it’s also one of the things that scare us the most.
Getting sober and maintaining a life in sobriety is all about change. Practicing the Twelve Steps and a lifestyle of recovery involves what is arguably one of the hardest things to change: ourselves. It calls for changing who we are, the way we think, and the way we live. In order to do this takes immense courage. Surprisingly, someone who has courage may not be “fear-less”; having, showing, or doing things with courage does not mean fear is absent. It’s about having fear and doing the thing that scares you anyway.
I had to have so much courage to get sober because I was so fearful of letting go of my best friend, who’s name was Grey Goose. Maybe you’ve heard of him? The problem was that he always brought me the relief that I needed, every time I wanted it, but he was killing me. It took all the courage I could muster to recognize the greater opportunities and life I would have when I let go of that friend. And because he’s so sneaky, it took courage once again to come back into the rooms after relapse.
It turns out he’s no real friend of mine.
Thanks to a support system in recovery I now truly know that I am not alone in this. The ability to do something that frightens us is not an uncommon experience for those of us in recovery, and it’s a big part of living this miraculous ridiculous life in sobriety! The interesting thing about the principle of courage is that you only find it, or need to call upon it when you are faced with “situations” as some like to say. Without the struggle, there is not much benefit. So courage, it turns out, is really about somebody's willingness to grow.
As we all know, anything worth having is usually not easy. Taking the easy way out doesn’t yield the best outcomes. For some people, it takes years of sidestepping or seeking “easier and softer” ways to avoid the courage it takes to face the fear of losing what is known. But courage is the antidote to fear. Acting in the face of this fear and calling upon the virtue of moral courage means getting to live the way that God wants us to live, and become the person he wants us to be.
Courage In Recovery
When I got the courage and became open and honest about my using, it opened up this opportunity for love and compassion beyond what I knew existed.
I was living in so much fear and turmoil; I was kind of just feeding the beast.
It was an uphill battle for me until I was able to get open and honest with everyone else around me - but most importantly, with myself and God.
I didn’t get relief until I talked with a few key sober people, who helped to build my courage up. I had this breakthrough moment where I realized that by using I had been suppressing and blocking myself from relief and potential. Having the courage to get sober showed me the greatest potential for a life well lived and that the sky was the limit!
That being said, relapse is also a part of my recovery story. Strength in the face of pain or grief is even more challenging and requires us to have more courage. I’ve struggled so many times with the shame and grief of relapse. While I was in treatment after my relapse I remember feeling like I did not have courage at all. During my stay, I ran into somebody I had worked with professionally, who was touring the facility, and I just felt so much shame. I even came up with my acronym for what shame meant to me:
S-Self
H-Hatred
A-Against
M-My
E-Existence
What it took to turn that ship around was an inordinate amount of courage- and the courage once again came from people who supported me through this period. They showed acceptance and understanding until that self-hatred became self-love. When I have the support of other people it gives me courage. Once I get the courage to face the things I fear it allows the opportunity for more courage to appear. This I have learned in recovery and by bearing witness to the courage of my fellows.
Throughout history the true heroes have not been the men and women that were not afraid, but rather those that faced their fear, acting despite those fears, and moving forward to overcome its grip on their lives. This, to me, is grace.
Courage: The Grace Of God To Face Your Fears
Prayer, meditation and talking with God is an important part of my recovery and what helps me to consciously and continuously chip away at fears. When I pray for courage in the Serenity Prayer I recognize in God my spiritual source. When getting in tune with what His will is for me and for the courage to change the things I can, I decide to rely on the grace of God.
And there are reflections of His grace everywhere I look.
These days I can look at a task or situation that causes fear in me as an opportunity for me to become more courageous, resilient and reliant on God's grace. The courage we all ask for and practice one day at a time is the courage to live the way God wants us to live, for the highest good of all.
Any great life requires great courage. Just for today, we can pray to face our fears and focus on the courage to move forward, with loving grace.
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