Understanding Principle Six of AA Alcoholics Anonymous
#6 - The Principle of Willingness
“There is a huge difference between wanting to change and being willing to change. Almost everyone wants to change for the better. Very few are willing to take the steps necessary to create that change. "
- John T. child
If “Willingness” is defined as the ‘state of mentally being prepared to do some thing’, then it’s the first thing I needed to grasp in order to take the steps that were necessary to change my life. I had to become willing to surrender what my life was like, in order to discover what my life could become.
When it comes to recovery from addictions, the change required to get (and stay) clean is difficult; but not changing is fatal. As an active participant in a program of recovery I learned that addiction is the only disease that tells us that we don’t have a disease-which makes finding the willingness to change ever more challenging.
If you think about it, we don’t do anything in life without the willingness to do it. As active addicts we live a maddening life of what 12 step programs call “ Self-will run riot” and it’s the ultimate example of selfishness and delusion. One of the reasons that the principle of willingness is so important to recovery is because it’s the antidote to self-will run riot. For me, willingness and surrender go hand-in-hand; I had to be willing to surrender and ready to let go.
The Principle Of Willingness: Surrender & Let Go
One of the pivotal moments in my life that put me on the course of willingness and surrender was when I was sitting in therapy with my parents for the thousandth time. I’d had 4 months of sobriety but I relapsed and got a DUI. My father broke down and said that because of my behavior his marriage (which was 35 years strong) was suffering. And although I didn't have the willingness to get sober for myself, I was able to do it for the people I cared about most.
After five years of sobriety I relapsed again and found the willingness to get sober on a whole new level: my little girl had started to crawl for the first time and I had missed it. It was devastating! That was enough to make me entirely ready to get sober. I was no longer willing to sacrifice all the beautiful, wonderful things in life just to be able to drink.
I was finally willing to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic and that I will never, ever be able to drink like a person who is not alcoholic. My willingness to get sober was coming from a place of love instead of fear, and I was no longer afraid of letting go of what wasn’t working. In order to be present in my life I was willing to be open, to take direction and with incremental baby steps, put one foot in front of the other.
How Willingness Works In My Recovery
The Proverb “Where there’s a will there’s a way” is a universal truth reminding us that if we are determined to do something, we will find a way to accomplish it regardless of any obstacles. In the beginning of recovery it’s easier to admit and accept our alcoholism, but when it comes to the sustained effort required to “practice these principles in all our affairs”, how do we keep living with willingness?
The principle of “Willingness “ for me today means being open and receptive to something totally different. Even with everything that I've learned and everything that I know- I'm still teachable. I find that it’s important to reflect and remember what it was like, but not to dwell in the past. When I look at the all-encompassing growth and have an awareness of all the things that have changed for the better, I have willingness to continue on this sobriety path. Things are no longer swept under the rug, but rather brought out into the open. I am wiling to accept certain truths and take these necessary steps:
• I am willing to reach out
• I am willing to be humble
• I am willing to get honest
• I am willing to face the truth
• I am willing to face the consequences
• I am willing to be uncomfortable, knowing that it will pass.
• I am willing to find motivation
• I am willing to find purpose
• I am willing to right the wrongs
• I am willing to live life without my best friend –alcohol
• I am willing to lean into the emotions and grow.
• I am willing to remember what it was like.
• I am willing to do the work
Willingness One Day At A time
"If faith without works is dead, willingness without action is fantasy."
When it comes to recovery, what you put in is what ya get. As time goes by things will come up that need to be looked at, and we have to have the willingness to work on those things. I always say that life is about problem solving… There’s no such thing as everything staying the same; like it or not, life on life's terms means a state of constant change.
Practicing the principle of willingness is like opening the gate to new opportunities, and living in this true state of readiness is pure, vulnerable and exciting! So, from the time we wake up to the time we go to sleep (which is less than 24 hours if you think about it) we can step into willingness with the anticipation and excitement of all the possibilities.
The bottom line is that if you're not willing to try something new you're not going to grow; and if you don't grow you'll never know how amazing your life can be.
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