Not Drinkin? Top 10 Ways To Respond When People Ask
You’re not drinking? What are people going to think?! How are you going to respond if someone asks why you’re not drinking?
With the stigma that is still attached to the disease of alcoholism, how to respond in social situations about not drinking is still a big fear for many in recovery. However, while you’re standing there worried that people are judging or talking behind your back, the truth is that most people don’t give it that much thought and they’re too wrapped up in their own lives.
This is the holiday time of year and the pressure to drink rises with the number of holiday parties, office parties and friends in town. For many people in recovery, awkward parties (especially during the holidays) are among the biggest threats to their early sobriety. It’s important to talk about it and do a run through ahead of time, and for some, it’s really helpful to have prepared ways to respond when people ask why you’re not drinking.
There is no correct answer–it is up to every individual as to what they want to say and what’s appropriate for the situation. It’s really important for addicts to remember that people who ask you this question aren’t entitled to an answer. If you don’t want to talk about your addiction, you don’t have to. You can do a few things to satisfy the other person’s curiosity. You could simply and firmly just say, “I don’t want to,” or “I’m not in the mood.” Both answers would be the truth and that’s usually where the questioning stops.
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I think it’s important to quickly go over what self-centered means. Self-centered means thinking that everything is about you. Most addicts in recovery are of this mindset and in the process of letting it go. So if people are having a conversation we likely assume it is about us. If there is something going on, we always can make it about ourselves and get up in our heads about it.
So, even when you think people are talking about you or thinking about you…they’re really not. Because everybody has got their own lives going on, everyone has their own problems and insecurities. I’ve found that people at parties and events really don’t actually care as much as I think they will as to why I don’t drink. It’s more often the case that someone is being polite and offering it and then when I say “no thank you,” then they say “okay, no problem.”
Top 10 Ways To Respond When Someone Offers You a Drink
Ok, so conventional wisdom in party or social situations is that you shouldn’t ask someone why they aren’t drinking if they turn down a drink. It’s not any of your business and there are a ton of seriously awkward answers to that question that you probably don’t want to hear. The generally accepted rule of thumb is that you just don’t ask.
Should this full frontal assault happen to you, however, it’s way easier to survive the holidays with your sobriety intact if you have a few set responses for when someone offers you a drink.
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“I’m on medication.” A classic stand-by to give when you’re not drinking. They really can’t argue with that one and who wants to hear about medical issues at a party?
“I’m the designated driver.” If you showed up in a limo, this may not be the best excuse, but if you are actually driving, it’s really the most perfect excuse. Nobody likes drunk drivers–not even drunk drivers!
“I don’t like it.” Just like learning in sobriety that “no” is a complete sentence, this is a stand-alone, good enough reason. There really are some people who just simply don’t like alcohol.
“I can’t for medical reasons.” This is not the same as being on medication. There are many medical reasons why some people cannot drink. If you are a woman, you could be pregnant.
“I don’t need it tonight.” Even though this could tempt more questions; it’s likely to be off-putting and maybe even taken as a criticism. It should shut things down.
“I’m trying to drink more water.” A very popular trendy thing to do which ends inquiries and probably gets you a bottle of water!
“Not tonight, thanks.” This actually is truthful and hard to argue with.
(The last 3 responses go under the category of “keeping it light.”)
“It’s not on my To-Do List.”
“I’m watching my girlish figure (it’s even funnier when you’re a guy).”
“I’m allergic to alcohol; every time I drink, I break out in handcuffs.”
Not Drinking: What’s the truth?
The truth is that, as I mentioned earlier, you never owe anyone any information, about your past, present or future personal health–unless you want to discuss it.
Some people in recovery would not feel comfortable saying one of the made up excuses above, as they are not “the truth.”
If you feel like you want to talk truthfully about your addiction and the help you’ve received perhaps your instinct is telling you to be truthful for a reason.
No matter what, the truth is that your health, wellness and sobriety are what matter most. Finding the right friends and support system is key to helping avoid situations where there are people who want to encourage you to participate in behaviors that you need to avoid.